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If you know me personally or have been following my blog for some time, you may have read how the struggles that parents, particularly my own, sometimes have a hard time letting go of their children as they grow up. It isn’t easy, but lately, I’ve once again had to rediscover the struggle that I want to be more independent of my parents, but find myself struggling to do so because I don’t want any feelings to be hurt or statements to be taken out of perspective.
Now, as I have become an adult, I have taken the next steps towards becoming independent such as building relationships with a life coach and a personal advocate (s) to help me with tasks that I need to embrace doing on my own such as handling finances as an example or allowing me to continue to grow my business.
Because I am neurodivergent, it’s often a double-edged sword that I want to be independent fully on but find that I cannot do so entirely. To this end, I feel that my folks feel like there are areas that they should help me in when I have a personal advocate and life coach to help me out in. Naturally, I have to try and see things from the point of view of a parent because I need to see things from their point of view:
A. Loss of companionship, closeness, communication, and control. B. Worry about relationships and whether they are loved. C. Transitioning from being closely involved to letting go of control. D. Feelings of mourning and loss when faced with releasing their child into life without them
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Looking at these areas, I get an understanding as to why my folks struggle at times with me getting older. The truth of the matter is, that as I focus on growing Going the Distance primarily both at my primary headquarters in Seekonk, MA, and my secondary headquarters in Boca Raton, FL, the more they want to focus on getting more involved in areas when I don’t want them to get involved in.
However, what I want my folks to understand or any parent or guardian to understand is that while your child may outgrow the lap, they will never outgrow the love you have for the child. But the fear of being totally forgotten remains in the background of every parent.
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One example of this issue that I want to bring up is in the penultimate series finale of Nickelodeon’s “The Wild Thornberrys” (1998-2004), in the episode, “Eliza Unplugged” where Marianne Thornberry (Jodi Carlisle) is having a hard time accepting the fact that Eliza (Lacey Chabert) doesn’t want to spend as much time with her as much with her older sister, Debbie (Danielle Harris) and that Marianne fears she is growing farther away from her daughters.
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Looking at this episode, I can often picture my own mother in Marianne’s shoes because the fear of growing farther away is constantly lurking in my mother’s mind for example and not just because of her obsessive-compulsive disorder.
The fact is that I will never want to stop loving my folks nor wanting to do stuff with them, but there are areas that I need to work on being more independent on which is why I have a personal advocate and life coach to work with on such as buying my groceries and how to grow Going the Distance more both physically and virtually.
I often also have panic attacks and sensory overloads on account that I want to continue being independent, but also having a hard time saying to my folks that I want to be independent and have this constant fear of hurting their feelings.
This happened a few days ago when I had a hard time understanding why my mother wants to continue being nosy in certain areas that I don’t want her to be nosy in such as again finances, whereas I am more comfortable with my dad helping me with some areas given his 35-year experience as an executive vice president of a major company. Again, this is something that I am continuously working with my life coach and personal advocate.
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But to get back to the topic at hand, parents often develop what is known as Empty Nest Syndrome and the sadness that comes with it causes them to have a negative impact on their overall lives.
A case in point is in Disney’s “An Extremely Goofy Movie” (2000) where Goofy’s Empty Nest Syndrome results in him getting fired from his job and back to college in order to obtain a college degree along his son, Max. Of course, Max builds up enough frustration to last out at Goofy, telling him to get his own life. While I would never dare to tell my folks to get their own lives, I can understand Max’s frustration to a degree. There were times where I wanted to say something like “Get Your Own Life!”, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
When it comes to Empty Nest Syndrome, some people are greatly affected by it and other are not as affected by it. Some parents/guardians who have other psychological conditions such as obsessive-compulsive disorder like my mother, have Empty Nest Syndrome a couple of levels more and hard to outgrow.
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In conclusion, what my folks and I have been experiencing over the past couple of years is something all families go through in life, but its something that we must not try to let rule our respective lives. Is it hard for parents to let go of their children, both neurodivergent and neurotypical? Yes, but eventually the acceptance has to come in and we can’t change the outcome. But again, one thing we must remember is that while we outgrow a parent’s lap, we never outgrow their love.
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Catch you all later!!
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