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I’m sure many of you are familiar with an old saying that too many cooks in the kitchen, the dish is not going to work out. Nothing of this is more common than when it comes to neurodivergent/developmentally different living skills. As I am writing this blog, I can’t help but feel a sense that there are several cooks in the kitchen (me) arguing over what is best for me and how I should be supported in terms of living my everyday life.
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Look at it this way, I’m a kitchen with three sets of cooks in the kitchen (my folks, my psychology and my personal advocate/life coach) all with each of their own approaches to supporting me in achieving my goals of independence.
You’ve got my folks, who constantly worry about me which is annoying, yes, but at the same time, there are some areas that I feel like I need them such as transportation or being like a translator to explain to someone what is going on with me.
You have my psychologist who brings up topics that I don’t want to discuss, but feels that it’s necessary to do so. Then, there is my recent personal advocate and life coach, whom I’m still getting used to in terms of what supports that I can offer from them.
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The factor is that while I do have a lot of people that care about me and want me to succeed in life, it’s very hard when my brain can only process so much. With all that has been happening with my apartment’s water leakage as well as getting acclimated with my new job at Massachusetts Rehabilitation Commission, part of me wants to have a sensory overload and have a full blown meltdown.
But, as much as I should, I don’t feel like it because what good is a meltdown when I know I am better than that. The people who want to put things in my mind all have good intentions, but at the end of the day, they are all opinions and suggestions on how I should live my life. Like I said, there are some areas that each cook in the kitchen is good at. But, the fact is that when each cook wants to stick their ideas into the kitchen, the dish the kitchen produces ends up being spoiled.
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In fact, a good example of this is in the new Netflix animated series, “Pokemon Concierge,” where in Episode 4, a trainer brings his Pikachu to the Pokemon resort in the hopes that his Pikachu ends up being more outgoing and vocal. The intentions of the main character Haru and Pikachu’s trainer are good, but eventually both she and the trainer have to reconsider their approach and both ultimately accept that Pikachu is who he is.
In this scenario, there were too many cooks in the kitchen which caused the dish to end up being spoiled. In this case, the dish being spoiled was Pikachu himself, but not out of pure bad intentions. Eventually, Pikachu is who he is and that’s okay. Much like with my own situation, I am kind of like Pikachu where I do need to start showing some assertiveness and be more vocal in terms of how I want to get the support I need.
An example would be stripping my bed and washing the sheets every week, where are my folks would make the bed while I focus on my work at Going the Distance. I will say that it is a help for me in the sense that I don’t struggle with dealing on a queen sized mattress on my own. Maybe there might be times where when my life coach comes over, she can help me make the bed. On weeks she doesn’t come, then my folks can help me out.
Just kind of like alternating on who helps me every other week, if you will. That way, no more dishes have to be spoiled. After all, it doesn’t matter if you can’t make your bed properly or tying your shoes, because they don’t define you for who you are as an individual.
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Of course, being neurodivergent, I know firsthand that I can’t do everything the way that a neurotypical person would. In this case, dealing with neurotypical people that want to throw their thoughts into the ring in how to better support me just creates more stress and anxiety and once again, I am allowing too many cooks into the kitchen. Part of me wants to slam the kitchen door shut on everyone, but that’s easier said than done in this situation.
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Catch you all later!!
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