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As much as I enjoy the winter holidays, I can’t help but feel that as a neurodiverse adult, I have found myself often struggling to get through them. Maybe it could be that as I have grown older, the holidays aren’t what they used to be to me. It could also be that the holidays are a time of high overstimulation risk or the fact that my mental health just isn’t the way it used to be.
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Recently, I have found myself dealing with so much stacking around this time of year and I feel that if I am rubbed the wrong way one more time, I am going to snap. A prime example of this was on Thursday where I felt like wanting to slap people at my job because they were just so miserable. Sometimes, I can’t help but feel being highly anxious and irritable around others, even those who are in my immediate family don’t get a free pass.
And it isn’t just the holidays, but year-round that I often struggle with anxiety and depression. There have been moments where those closest to me, having to display tough love to get me to snap out of it and say stuff like “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I have to say it.” Of course, I would get angry at being told this and I get a sudden urge to physically slap or hit people who say those things to me. Sometimes, slapping or hitting people can make people feel good, at least in their mind, but I know better than to hit people.
After all, when you are in retail and having to constantly being told that things are going to be quiet at the store when its really not, I just want to say “shut up” to anyone who tells me otherwise and I would not care how they would feel.
Plus, just the fact that people are nasty during the holidays can get me down and the problem is that people just don’t understand that I have personal boundaries that I don’t want crossed. The holidays aren’t an excuse for people to peck their noses in my business. I don’t care if you are a customer, a colleague or someone in my family, if I ask you to respect my boundaries, please respect them especially during the holidays.
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What is very clear is that the 2023 holiday season is planning to be my final one in retail. I feel that part of the problem around this time of year is that the Christmas holidays are abused by people forgetting what the true meaning of the holidays are. Yes, I can’t force anyone to embrace the true meaning of the holiday, but it can be easier said than done. If I move out of retail, I feel like I can start enjoying the holidays a little more in 2024 and won’t have to be constantly put down by the pressures that come with it.
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But it isn’t just retail that can affect my mental health during the holidays and that is why this week’s blog will be a 2-part blog.
Catch you all later!!
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