Let’s be real here…in my line of work as a self-advocate and public speaker, there are going to be times where I have to look respectable for my audience, potential customers, guests, etc. However, there is one aspect of looking presentable that I often try to avoid unless if it really calls for it and that is wearing neckties or any ties, for that matter.
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To me, wearing neckties can be overstimulating as a neurodiverse individual. Just the idea of wearing something tied around my neck when there is an important function can make me detach from the event at hand and just focus on getting that damn tie off.
Now, wearing ties have gone back many if not hundreds of years. Men wore ties for respect, their position and their character. Some jobs require you to wear a necktie as part of a dress code. I get that…but if you are a neurodivergent who is at a job and that you need to wear a necktie for the entire shift, what can you do to cope with the situation?
Well, when it comes to wearing ties, most neurodiverse individuals will often try to keep it as loose as possible which makes it that much easier to remove. A strategy that I have at weddings for example is that I wear a necktie for the ceremony and remove it for the reception. The same can be said for neurodivergent women who detest wearing high heel shoes.
But, in recent years, wearing a necktie has been somewhat relaxed in several workplaces for a more business casual approach. In fact, when I first started at my day job in 2010, the managers all wore neckties and then a couple of years in, they abandoned wearing them altogether.
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What companies and businesses need to understand is that wearing neckties should be left entirely up to the individual to decide, whether neurodiverse or even neurotypical. If there is something that requires a necktie, such as a major event or visitation, then if someone is uncomfortable with wearing a necktie, a necessary accommodation may be made such as only wearing the necktie or bowtie for a set time limit and then the individual can remove it when the time limit is up.
Think of it as like a time clock, you put the tie on, you clock in and when you take the tie off, you clock out.
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Same holds true for families as well, especially for important functions such as weddings and funerals. I can understand fully that there is enough on the minds of the individuals already with the overstimulation they are feeling from the event, the last thing anyone wants is to be subjected to such sensory agony.
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Lastly, if someone doesn’t want to wear a necktie, don’t force them to. If you are so insistent on doing so, walk a mile in their shoes and get an understanding that wearing a necktie is challenging enough as it is.
Take for example, the last episode of “The Crown” Season 2 during the family portrait scene. All the men are wearing neckties, people are talking and the children are getting restless, but Prince Phillip wants to get it done and over with and who can blame him? He probably represents the individual who wants to get comfortable from his restraints around his neck. Same holds true for neurodivergent men because that’s how ties can be.
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Catch you all later!!
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