In recent years, there is something that I have been noticing when it comes to my own parents. The more I try to grow my business and expand (which involves travel for in person services), the more they somewhat resist. This to me is a sign that no matter how old I get, the more they don’t want to let go of me to an extent.
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Let me tell you that this just doesn’t resort to just my own family, but all families especially if they are neurodiverse or disabled families. What I think is going on is that we neurodiverse or disabled individuals want to achieve some level of independence whether it’s getting a car or getting our own place to live.
For me, it was getting my own apartment and starting my own business that evolved into “Going the Distance.”
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Still, parents will often come up with excuses to keep some level of control over their children. Some excuses include that the child is being inflexible enough to not qualify themselves to go out into the real world or others include that they are not fit to manage their own money.
Whenever my folks bring something like this up, right away I notice that this is really a sign that they think I’m trying to push them aside.
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Naturally, parents want their children to be safe and their greatest worry is something happening to them when they are not around to help them. Probably the biggest issue for my own folks when it comes to my self-advocacy and public speaking is me being safe when I am out on the road and they try to mask their feelings through talk of finances and boundaries, limits, etc.
Somewhat, it is important, but “Going the Distance” is my business and sometimes we all need to do things we don’t want to do such as traveling when we don’t feel like it. Yes, money is of course involved. But as I have said before and I will say it again, with the day job I have, any deficates can be made up.
For parents, it’s really trying to be in their child’s lives and having some sort of control. It gives them a sense of pride and the fact that they are still in their child’s life. But the problem is that because we are neurodiverse and disabled, they feel like they are entitled to be in their child’s life.
Even though we may never achieve some form of full independence, we will need to have some help from our families. It’s also a good idea for neurodiverse and disabled individuals to tell their folks what they need help with most whether it’s for mobility or for things we don’t understand.
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Just because we grow up doesn’t mean we abandon those we love for good and that is I think the biggest fear with my own folks. They fear of me abandoning them which is not true. Yes, I want them to enjoy their own lives and not focus 24/7 on me.
If you are neurodiverse or disabled like me, just know that you have the right to pursue your own path, but it may help to take baby steps in gaining whatever amount of independence you desire from your family. It’s also up to your parents to accept that we all must go forward on our own paths in life even though it’s difficult.
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Now, if you want a visual example of parental struggles in letting go of their children, watch this episode from “The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh” called “Find her, Keep her.”
But I want to warn you, be prepared to have a box of Kleenex on standby as this has been considered one of the saddest episodes in Disney Television Animation right up there with the deaths of Bambi’s Mother in “Bambi” (1942) and Mufasa, Simba’s Father in “The Lion King” (1994).
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Catch you all later!!
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