Something that I have noticed greatly in my time as a neurodivergent is the matter of delayed reactions and delayed behaviors in me. This seems to be a very common issue in autism/neurodiversity and lately, I’ve been thinking about this a lot.
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As you know, it wasn’t until about 4 years ago that I started to become more and more self-aware about myself and it seems to be that 4 is the magic number in this particular situation. Why is the number 4 key in my delayed reactions?
Maybe it’s because I have to go back slightly in my time of being on the spectrum. I ended up not being able to talk until I was 4 years old and it seems like I didn’t age well until I was able to talk. It seems like I feel two different sides to being a specific age and specific person as a whole.
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For example, I am 32 going on 33 years old and part of my mind feels like 28 going on 29 years old. It seems strange, but that’s how it is to me. It’s kind of like “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (2007) where the protagonist starts off as a handsome baby, but as he ages, he becomes an elderly teenager and eventually adult.
These are some of the mysteries that cannot be explained because no matter how intellectual we are, some mysteries are better off unsolved.
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But to get back to my blog topic for today, I feel as if mentally, I am back about 4 years simply because I couldn’t verbally communicate until I was 4 years old. And it also equals to the fact of how I behave as a human being.
When I was a kid, I would be 8 years old and sometimes act like a 4-year-old and that was all because I couldn’t talk until, I was 4. Its again, hard to explain, but it’s one of the greatest mysteries of my life that I can never solve on my own. If you are reading this blog and can relate to my situation, then you can understand that you are also on the same journey as me.
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Now, as a blog disclaimer, you may also find this blog a little confusing to read and I apologize in advance if it is. It may be because I am writing this blog at 4:30am in the morning, but it’s also because I don’t have all the answers and that’s okay. I’m trying to answer to the best of my ability, and it can be hard for me at times.
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Catch you all later!!
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